Q.'s Quote of the Day: 04-04-07

“I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas: they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the color of my mind.”
~ Emily Bronte

This quote gives voice to the emotion I feel when thinking about my foreshortened railroading career. Those dreams still live--in my fiction, in my dreams. Those years shaped my outlook, my interests, and my memories. My stories would not be as strong without those sacrificial years freely given. Part of what and who I amm was forged in those 16 years. I thank God/dess that I was able to pursue and fulfill those railroad dreams. For a woman, it was no easy task. But I won. Heh heh! I won!

Q.

Reminiscing about the Railroad

5 days and 15 years ago, I quit my job on the BN. It was a time of recession, and it was heartbreaking to watch my ability to support myself and my (ex)husband evaporate. So, in a fit of frustration and anger, not knowing that IF I had held out another 90 days or so, my job as an engineer would have been secure, I took a buy-out. I sold my Trainman's Rights, not my Engineer's Rights--but their rules said I needed both to work...so...I lost my dream on a cold, overcast March day in Denver, CO.

I have regretted it ever since.



Why? My defining identity was wrapped up in my railroading, in my abilities to run trains and guide switching operations, to excel in a trade that takes skill and love to pursue well. I gave it up. Boom, in one fell swoop, I was without an identity. Part of me--an essential part, I felt for a long time--died a sudden painful death. I mourn even now, even knowing that my disability would have nailed me only a few years later anyway. It was just that I wasn't ready to end my railroading then! I wasn't tired of handling coal trains, or switching cars in the yards. It was still all shiny and fresh, every single trip.

Now all I feel is a deep sadness and anger that it all could have been different--if the BLE would have opened the Engineer's Extra Board up to us newbies (as it was designed to do) instead of keeping it as a gravy train for the older men. IF the country hadn't been in a recession due to the inanities and sloppy governing of G.H.W. Bush. IF I hadn't bought a house the year before I entered Engineer Training. So many IFS! Damn it!

Now, 15 years later (damn, has it been that long?) I sit here a different person. I am a published Author writing about--you guessed it--RAILROADING. I'm a blogger, an artist, a priestess. Do I still miss running trains? You betcha! Now, writing about running them is the best I can do--and it suffices.

I hope all the friends and folks back on the BN (now the BNSF) are doing well. Our paths have diverged, but I will never, ever forget those days so many years ago. I wish all y'all the best. Have safe trips always!

Choo Choo Q.

Sympathy for Tony Snow

Read the news that Tony Snow has a relapse of colon cancer over at Street Prophets: Loving Our Enemies? and feel appalled that the Kossacks at Daily Kos felt the need for schadenfreude in his case. Why does the suffering of an opponent--even one in an Administration as patently evil as Bush's--require such gleeful gloating?

As readers know, I'm no Christian. The rules governing Christians have no teeth with me. However, I try to understand that every human being--Democrat, Republican, Black, White, whatever race, whatever creed, whatever views--are all human beings. If I feel pain because of a physical ailment, I understand that others feel it too, sometime, somewhere.

Just the other day I was speaking of how I admired John and Elizabeth Edwards in their decision to continue the Great Fight as they fought one of an entirely different nature: cancer. Now, Tony Snow--my political enemy--has admitted his colon cancer is back, and from what I've read, it may be spreading to his liver. So...I extend the same hand of sympathy and prayer for Tony that I do for Elizabeth. May he understand what he's facing and maybe change the course of his spiritual boat a bit before he plys the Styx. May he grow in compassion and understanding. May he know personal peace and self-realization. May God/dess tap him on the shoulder and inspire in him an awakening so that his death, when it comes, is welcomed with fearlessness.

For all those at DKos that are gleeful in this sad news, may they never have cancer touch their lives, and grant them the gift of true empathy.

Q.

Q.'s Quote of the Day: 03-23-07

“But I venture the challenging statement that if American democracy ceases to move forward as a living force, seeking day and night by peaceful means to better the lot of our citizens, then Fascism and Communism, aided, unconsciously perhaps, by old-line Tory Republicanism, will grow in strength in our land.”
~~Franklin D. Roosevelt, November 4, 1938

What he has warned us of is there. See the effects of Bushco and company on our country. Nascent Fascism and a corporate oligarchy that sees nothing wrong with wiping away any chance of survival of those in the so-called lower classes by dismantling the safety net, and disenfranchising the least of these. The gap between the haves and have nots is widening every day.

We must fight these powers! Or...we will be returned to a life of slavery in everything but name. I hope those who unwittingly stand with these corrupt power mongers see the error of their views soon. We can't endure another span of years like the last six.

Pray for our democracy, our constitution, our people. We are all we've got. You might not agree, but where are you on the spectrum? Near the bottom? If you are, get a clue. They are using you.

This is where I stand, with fangs bared.

Q.

Thoughts on John Edwards and his Lady Wife...

I felt deep sadness when I heard that John Edwards' wife Elizabeth in now in stage IV cancer. My heart goes out to them, and my deepest respect. To continue on a gruelling campaign whilst dealing with one's beloved spouse battling cancer takes great fortitude and courage.

Of all those who make up the early field of Democratic candidates for the 2008 Presidential Election, John Edwards has been getting my attention a lot lately. He is gaining points on my chart by his honesty, his forward-thinking ideas, his concern--and plans--for the grinding poverty ignored by Republicans. There's much more, but I'll stop there. It's still early in the 'season', but Edwards is looking better every day.

Now...he has a heartbreaking personal event to deal with. It is one that has touched, and is touching, a greater portion of the population than almost any other event. Most of us have a parent, a friend, an associate, a child...someone...that has been touched by cancer. My mother died of it. My sister has had three bouts of it, yet still lives. Friends have battled it--some died, some triumphed--for a time. We can all understand what they are feeling. We can all understand the strength it takes for them to decide to continue on the campaign trail.

John Edwards, I salute you--and Elizabeth Edwards--you are in my prayers. May you both have the clarity and strength to do what you need to do. Blessings and compassion for you both. I now know what a Statesman and his Lady look like.

In Love, Light, and Peace,
May Healing suffuse you both,
In the Name of the Mother of All Living,
Strength and Courage in full measure.

Sincerely,

Q.

Q.'s Quote of the Day: 03-20-07

“For you are powerful, not that you may make the weak weaker by oppression, but that you may make them powerful by raising them up and defending them. You are wise, not in order to laugh at the foolish and thereby make them more foolish, but that you may undertake to teach them as you yourself would wish to be taught. You are righteous that you may vindicate and pardon the unrighteous, not that you may only condemn, disparage, judge, and punish.”
~~ Martin Luther, sermon Two Kinds of Righteousness (1519), in Martin Luther's Basic Theological Writings, ed. Timothy F. Lull and William R. Russell, 2nd ed. (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 2005), 138.

Got this gem from Mahanoy over at Street Prophets a while back (maybe last week, I can't recall exactly...heh heh), and it's a good one to think on.

In Love, Light, and Peace,

Q.

Adventures in Baking

My sweet fang was twanging tonight, so I dug out a nice box of Betty Crocker Lemon-Poppy Seed Muffin Mix and decided to play with it. I wasn't in the mood to wrangle with muffin cups, so I decided to make the mix into a loaf instead. There was a convenient recipe on the back of the box for this conversion, and here it is (with commentary):

1 box of muffin mix (Betty Crocker brand as the box obviously states. I think any brand that makes a full dozen muffins will work, IMHO)
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup water
1/3 cup vegetable oil of your choice (I have Mazola on hand)
2 eggs
1/3 cup melted butter or margarine (I melted it to a liquid)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Use 8"x4" or 9"x5" loaf pan, lubed with appropriate slippery stuff. Stir all ingredients except butter/margarine (I missed that bit there, and added it in, too. After seeing my mistake, I added a bit more flour to compensate for my chemistry error.) together until blended. May be a tad lumpy, but that's allowed. Slide mass into loaf pan. (If you put oil into the bowl first, I discovered, the dough just slides right out in one blob, leaving no residue to scrape out of the bowl, sadly.) Bake for 35-40 minutes, until toothpick slides in and out cleanly, and top of loaf is golden brown.

The extra butter I mistakenly put in with the dough was meant to be used to make lemon-butter from a bit of the icing, included in the box, mixed together with it. Oh well. My screw up. I didn't plan on lemon-butter anyway.

The jokers expect this to serve 16! What a crock! It will serve three very nicely, and the slices will be thicker than newspaper, too.

Yeah, I'm not supposed to be making things like this to eat...but...sue me! I just wish Marko the Were-Lynx could have a piece, but he's across the Big Water in the Mother Country (Czech Republic, for those who guessed something else) and will never taste this bit of Q. Cooking.

Right now, I'm waiting for the timer. Got about 8 minutes to go.

-- (ten minutes later...)

It came out purrrr-fect. Yum! Apparently, the added margarine did no harm. Another successful adventure in baking!

Heh heh,

Q.

Health Care Debacle Diffused--for now

Those of you who know me from Street Prophets are somewhat aware of the precariousness of the health care situation here at Casa Fiend. Our Part D is not as easy as the guv'mint says it is, natch. So, we wrestle with insurance every month. The last two months were a terror, leaving us here very strapped, threatening our very ability to stay in our apartment. When meds (my sister's and mine) cost more than we make in a month (all three of us Fiends combined) it gets dicey real damned fast. Lucky for us here, the wonderful friends at Street Prophets are and have been making our survival a Project. Many have been seeing to our grocery needs--since we skipped that in February and had quite a famine going here. This month is better, by far. God/dess bless my dear friends on the Street! I really don't know what we would've done without them.

Point in case. At the beginning of March, I needed 7 medications. The combined cost of these seven--just mine, mind you, not my sister's--was $747.44. Who in the hell can budget for that out of a disability pension? They cost nearly as much as our rent!, the single largest bill I pay on the first. Needless to say, I couldn't get my meds, thus went without...without blood pressure meds (2), mood swing med (1), sleep aid (1), and the meds to deal with rampant 24/7 chronic pain in the 10/10 range.

After a few choice phone calls, some ranting, and cajoling, I finally got the insurance straightened out, and today I picked up the meds I had to neglect on the first--with $0 copay!!! YeeeHaw! Yippeee! WooooHooo! It's about damned time. The pharmacy still had to wrangle with them on the phone, but I got what I paid the premium for: no copay, no deductable.

My problem now is, will it 'stick' for the next trip over there next month??? All I can do is pray and know that God/dess does provide. S/He has gifted me with friends that care and a wolverine temperament--to never give up.

All you Prophets--thank you...a thousand times. I will never forget.

In Love, Light, and Peace,

Q.

Do We Really Need to be 'Saved'?

I was reading an excellent diary on Street Prophets, First Diary: Question about salvation by ScepticTexan tonight. I refrained from commenting feeling my view was not part of what he asked for. From it, I began to wonder, as I've done many times in the past, whether there is a real need for salvation, for 'being saved'?

Saved from what?

I'm a witch, a Wiccan Priestess. I live and walk my beliefs every day. I don't practice evil, or even try it out! ;-) I conscientiously live in a loving manner, giving what I can, helping as much as possible, staying away from violence. I am as ethical as possible in my station in life. I revere nature and do my best to leave a light footprint. I worship God and Goddess in nature, and within myself as well as in others. I'm doing my best.

Then...why do I need saved? From what? In my beliefs God/dess is present in everything I touch and is immanent in my life. S/He does not wish me ill. Why should S/He? Why should God/dess punish me for living as a human, loving as a human, and making mistakes as a human? Mistakes (what some might call sins) are what happens in order to gain wisdom and experience. Without making mistakes, one cannot grow--mentally or spiritually.

And if being human is grounds for needing salvation, I believe that's dead wrong. We were not 'cast out'. We are not 'fallen'. We are not 'depraved'. Using the gifts we are given: intellect, sexuality, imagination, should not indicate we are defective. We are as God/dess made us, Their children, loved and nurtured, created to live, die and be reborn...until we learn all our spirits need to come Home to rejoin with Them forever. Is that salvation--in the classic sense? I don't know. Must think on it some more...

Damn. More questions to think about. Heh heh!

In Love and Light,

Q.

My Cat, My Friend

I'm up late tonight. It's almost 5am. So far, my cat Selene has yet to complain that I'm not in bed. She usually is very quick to tell me I'm 'needed' in 'her' room for undivided attention, but tonight, she must not be feeling needy.

I sometimes wonder what my life would be like without the little fur-ball that sheds drifts of long, black, silky hair on everything, yet gives such unstinting love just because I feed her, clean out her jewel box (cat box for the non-were folk), and make sure she has treats and clean water. Is it that simple? Purrs=adequate attention and care?

When I lie in bed in the dark, and she nestles next to my curled body, I feel there is more to our relationship than mere cat - human slave. She seems to always know when I'm in pain, when sleep is hard coming and when her presence is a balm to my soul. We are connected...almost with a telepathic link...of empathy and caring. Why? Why did she come straight to me for comfort the first day in our Casa? Did she somehow know that I was lonely for a four-foot friend? Did she sense a resonance in me? Were we destined to be together?

All interesting questions. I am a witch. Is that all the answer that's necessary? When I meet her bright yellow-green eyes and she stares back at me purring, I understand. Goddess has gifted me with a sacred friend to help me through the rough patches. I sincerely pray she lives as long as she wants to, in good health.



There she is. Selene Moonshadow. My furry friend.

Blessings,

Q.

Welcome to whoever reads this

Needless to say, yet important: WELCOME, friends. I am Quotefiend, a resident of many places, foremost of which is Street Prophets. I am a progressive, a liberal democrat, and a Wiccan. I make no excuses for my beliefs and political leanings. All were gained through painful life experiences. They are valid for me.

They might also be right for you, if you think about it. Feel free to comment, kvetch, give me your views and we can talk. I humbly ask that there be no proselytizing here. I’m soooo not going to convert to Christianity—or Islam. Get over it. You are welcome to worship as you please...just don’t screw with my right to do the same in my own way.

I do bite.



Q.

While You Gently Rest

While You Gently Rest by Rick Hart

Deepened sun and darken blue,
they turn to hold earthen slumber and you,
and move through the stars while you gently rest,
and day into dream swirls inside.

Breathing slow, and full of sleep,
and with the earth, laden so still and deep,
may peace cover you and love hold you near,
and on colors of your soul you ride.

Just a bit of serene poetry and song to start things out.

Love and light,

Q.